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Waitrose near-death experience
My first letter to a local newspaper: another exciting step on the long road to utter loserdom. I think I got the air of mild dottiness that defines pretty much all letters to such organs, but I don't think the buggers at the Surrey Comet had the testicles to print it. Actually, I have no idea - I didn't bother to check. I just assume they didn't. --- Sir,
To the asian man in the people carrier who just tried to run me over at the exit to Waitrose Car Park in New Malden, then wound down his window to shout at me: no, sir, you're completely wrong. It's a pavement, I have right of way. You already have complete, terrifying mastery of the roads - please allow me the small pleasure of being able to walk along a pavement without having to be on constant guard for lusty automobiles. Where else can I walk with some degree of freedom? I don't particularly wish to have to resort to clambering across peoples' front gardens instead - I dare say dogs will chase me and residents will shake fists at me, or possibly even call the police.
Yours etc,
New Malden --- In other, local news, a family having a meal at New Malden Pizza Piazza were subjected to a bizarre wee attack. A man came into the restaurant with some piss in a see-through bag, threw it over the family, then ran away again. The owner of the restaurant, in sympathy, did not charge the family for their meal.
My immediate thought was that the whole thing was a crafty and elaborate ruse to get free pizza. Piddle-bag man and the family were clearly in cahoots. It probably wasn't even human urine - it may have just been dog piss. New Malden Pizza Piazza manager man, you are far too trusting.
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To date 16 Comment(s)
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amillionpieces
/ Website
(30.10.06 15:32)
Dog Piss? Nonsense, it was some kind of balsamic drizzle perfect for topping pizza....
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foxinthesnow
/ Website
(30.10.06 15:39)
Please send that last paragraph to the Surrey Comet. It's sure to get printed.
Also: car drivers are all selfish wastrels.
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Roy
/ Website
(31.10.06 16:08)
You're probably right about the Surrey Comet wimping out of printing the letter - you would be better off giving the twat driver the finger!
The Phantom Piss Thrower of New Malden Town is a new one on me! This might be the start of something decidedly damp!
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