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Strange Mechanical Butterfly
Hello, denziens of the post-apocalyptic badlands of 20six. I'm here to tell you about a strange card I received this morning. Perhaps your latent detective skills will help me to solve this strange mystery.
I woke up very late for work this morning, and only had about fifteen minutes to eat breakfast and shower away the spunk and grime from the previous day's adventures. Ignoring the pressing hands of time, I stayed in bed till the very last minute and watched King of the Hill, in which the eponymous hero was confounded by yoga.
One 90 second shower later, I was running for my train, with card in hand, scooped from the mat in the style of a relay racer (had the previous person in the relay team had a heart attack and dropped the baton to the floor). Amazingly, I made it to the station with a full 20 seconds before my train was due to arrive. I relaxed somewhat, and decided to open said mail, just as the train was pulling in to New Malden station.
As I opened it, a strange mechanical butterfly flew out and hit me in the face, while making a loud "whzzzzzzrrrbbbrrrtt!" noise.
I was so surprised I nearly missed my train, and had to jump in while the doors were closing with that insistent 'beep beep beep' noise. A Korean woman, who presumably had watched all this, chuckled at me. I smiled confusedly back in acknowledgement.
The card features no address or signature, just SURPRISE written across in large letters. The handwriting looks vaguely familiar, yet fills me slightly with impending doom. Oddly enough, though the letter has a stamp, it hasn't been processed so it doesn't have a convenient postmark on the front. So I'm thinking that the stamp was put on just to try and mislead me.
Any thoughts? Or, anyone want to own up?
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To date 53 Comment(s)
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Chintzy
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(26.10.06 14:33)
A butterfly? Are you sure it wasn't a moth? I'm surprised you didn't girlishly scream. Does the envelope smell of anyone?
Glad you see you blogging again. x
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foxinthesnow
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(26.10.06 14:33)
That sounds slightly fucking scary. Scan it in so we can analyse the handwriting and speculate wildly. The mechanical butterfly sounds amazing.
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foxinthesnow
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(26.10.06 14:36)
I was going to suggest Heather, actually. Perhaps the lady doth protest too much?
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newmaldenetc
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(26.10.06 14:39)
Chintzy - Hi! I'm not sure if I ever made a cous-cous conscious effort to *stop* blogging, to be fair.
fox - Scan my address into the internet? I've got a sudden inkling who it is.
Heather - You're off the list of suspects.
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Chintzy
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(26.10.06 14:41)
I know you didn't, but still, it's bloody ages mate. And King of the Hill is better than The Simpsons.
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foxinthesnow
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(26.10.06 14:42)
Oh right. I didn't think about that. It wasn't me, by the way. I blame PeterJ.
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heather
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(26.10.06 14:42)
I wish i had thought of it, but the Swiss postmark would have been a giveaway.
Actually, I thought you were going to blog about an entirely different card which I did send but I'm unsure if you ever got - I was at some sort of circus-cabaret thing months ago (we do see life here in der Schweiz) and they gave us postcards to send to our friends telling them about the show. I wrote one to you and then realised that I didn't have your address so I made one up. I sent it to Mr New Malden with the Blog, and then something like 15 New Road New Malden.
I was hugely pissed at the time so thought it was very funny.
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newmaldenetc
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(26.10.06 14:46)
Shockingly enough, it didn't make it to me. I'm still not quite as well-known as that guy who went around Ireland with a fridge. But then he'd only be recognised if he had his fridge with him - by the same logic, I'd only get recognised if I had my blog with me.
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pog
(26.10.06 15:26)
That card sounds suspiciously Beaver & Steve-ish to me.
J'accuse Le Babouin!
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newmaldenetc
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(26.10.06 15:28)
That was my inkling too. Particularly as he's lurking in the area...
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amillionpieces
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(26.10.06 16:13)
Butterflies? No Postmark? Korean Ladies? I know, by deuce, I know!!
Actually, I don't but I wanted to have a sherlock holmes moment.
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newmaldenetc
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(26.10.06 16:31)
It wasn't really mechanical. It was powered by a laggy band.
If it were mechanical, it would have been too heavy to post. But I just think more things should be made out of clockwork.
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eruditebaboon
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(26.10.06 16:46)
Did you check the butterfly to see if had a tiny poison coated needle sticking out of it?
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newmaldenetc
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(26.10.06 16:50)
Yeah, it did. I accidentally pricked my thumb with it.
How long have I got?
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doctortripswitch
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(26.10.06 16:57)
I would've sent it, but I don't send stuff.
THE SPAMCATCHER SAYS 'SENT'.
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IanB
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(26.10.06 17:23)
Perhaps it was it was a lame-arsed attempt by the Taleban? I've heard their chants "take them down, one at a time, first on the list is New Malden" - not as catchy as "die America die" but you know how these things go; employ an image consultant, they recommend getting in touch with the yoof of today, black robes and rifle grenades = unkewl, deadly mechanical butterflies = in - much more iPod generation.
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newmaldenetc
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(26.10.06 17:25)
Who are the Taleban? Are they the angry, backward looking ruling faction of Raynes Park?
If so, it's quite possible. New Malden does have twin towers, after all.
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Deadly Taleban Assassins
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(26.10.06 17:33)
Bring us the one you call "Dale Winton" - we wish to use his glowing skin as a source of nuclear naughtiness. Also, we would quite like that one that says "Bobby Dazzler" a lot. Plus, yoga is forbidden, it is the work of the devil - do not speak of it again.
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awesomelies
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(26.10.06 18:27)
Could it be Geoff wreaking terrible vengeance for years of humiliating postcards?
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James
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(30.10.06 16:15)
Yes. But it wasn't anyone you, or indeed anyone, knows. Just to confuse things.
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Kate
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(30.10.06 23:14)
Yes. It was me. It was the birthday card I forgot to send in time for your actual birthday.
Ahem.
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